This is how it works.

Edge of a break through or break down? You watch episode after episode of your fantasy life and you day dream about being part of it. You're at work with this blank stare on your face and no one around you realizes the beautiful mind behind it. What you make up in your webs you weave amongst your own thoughts. You see someone you find fascinating and beautiful. And you want them to feel the same way about you. You want to be with them, but only in your daydreams. Because if you had the opportunity to be with them for real in real life, let's just be honest here- you'd throw it away like yesterday's paper. I want you to see me the way I see you. If not anything else, just for one moment. That's the simplicity of one moment. Its aesthetic because its only for an moment. Looking at the air balloons with my big eyes, big pupils. You saw it. Who has it made more? The woman or the mistress? The mistress can never have you fully, but the woman is lied to and cheated on. Both long for the rest of you. The beauty that is within every chord you play on your guitar, every tile in the bathroom floor that no longer exists, every pill you popped to escape your reality when your reality was me. Every lie you tell them to make them think you're not secretly hurting on the inside. You would rather hurt in secret than make them feel bad about causing it. And when there is someone who will never hurt you, you run away. Why is that? You're pressing keys and you're singing songs. You're dropping hints here, lines there, and no one is picking them up. You've given every single ounce of everything you are to someone who will never deserve it in any case scenario. You give it all up. No one will see you the way you want to. You want what you can never have, and that's exactly why you want it. You want someone you can never keep. You like it that way. There are so many promises and goals you make for yourself, but that's the only push you have to be optimistic. Quiet melodies and secrets are what makes your body tingle. Secret sins. You don't even know what that is anymore. The older you get, the more numb you become. I just want to sit someone down and tell them everything. From the beginning. Like a book you pick up and and you just can't bring yourself to put down in order to go to sleep. Then when you finally go to sleep and you never want to wake up. Never want to let go of the wonder your mind makes up. What is everything? How far can you go to escape. Or do the opposite of escape, and be found? Every word you've never said to me runs in circles in my mind. Every word I've never said to you is on the tip of my icy tongue, but they will never spill out. They're a force stronger than any fake emotion I can put out in order to fit into your box....even though I know you won't ever notice that. You kiss her, you lie to her, and yet you tell me your secrets. But you never ask me about mine. One more time, with feeling, love. What has become of us? What are we even trying to do anymore? I barely remember crawling out of your window the morning after. Or screaming at you at the top of my lungs with tears rolling out of my eyes because even then you were not listening to a damn thing I said or felt. You numbed it. And you made me numb it too. You locked me away in the shadows and you hid everything you never wanted anyone to know about because you were ashamed. You lied. You manipulated. You told me that you would wait and you didn't. And you... You stopped loving me when I needed it most. And I never told you that. So many of you.... So I gave up. And I never gave back in. Breathing's just a rhythm. There really isn't anything left to say, but I will still say it. I will scream it. I will latch onto it with nothing but the tips of my fingernails...Because none of you ever really get it, do you? The beauty behind every whisper you hear, every blank stare you see. What's going on inside her mind? You'll never know. Because you'll never ask. And even if you do...what makes you think she'll tell you anyway?