Scenery will always be the death of me.

Oh man. I can feel it at the base of my lungs bubbling, building, burning, and juicing over into my arteries. This time its not from exhaustion. Its not from depression, addiction, or sulking. Its from frustration flaming over into anger. I want to be the girl that you want me to be, but you aren't letting me. Adrenaline makes my pulse a little harder and my lungs fill with air my heart wants to boil into a scream. I am exactly where you left me. And you, my friend are completely oblivious to the fact that every single word that comes from you is another little needle sticking into my skin. I want to give up so badly. But that is exactly what I always do and I told myself I wouldn't. It's like everything I have been avoiding doing for what feels like forever, I decided to try again with you. How blind are you? The images we conjure from our memories and mind tells us who we really are. Please stop telling me one thing when you mean another. I've decided to dance away my fears, anxieties, and loneliness to music I understand nothing about except for the fact that it makes my feet move. My thoughts are stretching out of my head like some sort of gamma radiation ray. Its reaching for you to pull it out. Literally right in front of your face and you smile at it and turn away. Look at me. I don't give a shit if that doesn't make sense. Every hair follicle on my body tells me that if I start it all over from the beginning, it would be so much better than just trying the same thing once more. I chose to ignore the pain of the world for a reason. I don't want to indulge in a tragedy that isn't right next to me. How come you guys are so quick to tell me of the deepest hurt you've been through? Mine is a secret. Because I only want to relive it if I actually know the other person gives a flying fuck. There are scenes in my head that I can replay over like a part from a movie I've seen a thousand times. The details constantly changing, but the facts remaining true. I wish I could play them for you so you knew how vividly I remember them. How come I'm stressing over here wanting you to share with me when I have stories you've never even fathomed about? Hah. I love how you can't even bother with a "sleep tight." My hips speak more truth and rhyme than my mouth ever could. Alice fell down the hole into her world all by herself. Maybe on purpose so she didn't have to share it with anyone else. Maybe that's what I'm doing. I'm glad I didn't show you my world. You wouldn't have appreciated it anyway. I like to photosynthesize with the sun and I like to trade my idiosyncrasies for chemicals to pour into my brain, hair, nails and skin. What exactly did I put in Chicago? Funny how you can forget things so easily. The beats are on a loop in my head. Loop after loop after loop, and mother nature fucking gets me. It doesn't have to try. All I've ever wanted is for one of the appointed to divulge their selves into my freaky, colorful, musical, and beautiful world. Its amusing to me how passive aggressive I can be while consistently vomiting my imagery all over the web for every one to see, but hardly anyone to read. I can't tell which part is which and if I'm at the beginning or end. What exactly do you think we're accomplishing? Dancing so close to each other in circles...just over and over...but never actually touching each other? It's just another game. Funny to me how much more beautiful a person looks when they're sad as opposed to when they were happy. I think we've got it all wrong. The point of it all isn't to be happy. Its to feel every single form and fragment of every human emotion possible. That's why all the intelligent people are constantly unhappy. They're just experiencing life instead of living mindlessly happy. I will just spread out all over a bed in a familiar room with unfamiliar surroundings, close my eyes, and imagine myself as a line in a song, a step in a dance, a scene in a play, a lover with no one to love. A fighter with no one to fight....just basking in all that is the world. Unhappy or not...I am embodying everything the world wants me to be.