Remembering a laughter is the easy part. The hard part is knowing that you're okay living with yourself knowing what you've done. It's such a sad reality, really. Some people can be just so damn ignorant. My part is teaching myself when it's okay to let go and when it is okay to hold on. The burned bridges mean nothing to me now, but used to consume my every thought. What's sad is that not one of you even bother checking in. It's fine and it's dandy, but what if it wasn't and you were responsible? Could you live with that? You already live so comfortably with your shitty job and shitty girlfriend. I bet none of you wondered what the outcome could have been. I wish so badly that somethings could have ended up differently. Maybe if I were more quiet, or maybe if you had a bigger brain, or heart. Maybe if you meant it when you told me you were going to make me yours again and you were going to do it right. Maybe you're all just jealous that I'm going to be somebody and you're not. Maybe you're upset because you know you're wrong and you cannot bring yourself to admit it. Strange how quickly you can grow up. Even more strange how long some people take. And I'm so angry. The world makes me mad because I don't understand anything that goes on around me. And that makes me sad. Then I'm over emotional. I just want my choices to be my choices. Not anybody else's. I want more control over my life. I want to fall asleep on the softest carpet and wake up and know where I am. I can't explain how weird that was. The swooning head over heels fascination killed me and forever will. It's somewhere between Scenic and Skyline where my heart belongs. It's the calm non chaotic, non confusing bliss that doesn't hurt. It doesn't speed, doesn't stab, doesn't get to the roots. I want sense. I want to get out of here. I don't want to remember the people who have made me strong. I want to get hitched in Cali and produce gorgeous babies. Not remembering the boy who took advantage of me. Or the friend who ditched me. Not of the boy who hit me when I was down, or of the girl who played on my trauma. But, first I'm going to kick some ass and see the world. Visit some wonderful people. Find my roots. Don't tell me "you'll grow up." You work at a glue factory. I'm not going to die here, this young, right now. Nah, I'm going places. And I have no problem leaving all of this behind.