somehow someway.

All things considering, maybe our lives are our dreams. Chaotic, nonsensical, lovely. Maybe "life" is the actual dream. Maybe while we're in what we think is "reality," we're actually asleep somewhere else. Life isn't meant to be this boring. blank. hateful. hurtful. painful. remorseful. regretful. unsatisfiable. Or is it? Who is to define life other than yourself? Everything you love will reject you or die. A moment is all you can expect from perfection. Like Tyler Durden sitting in the palm of the hand shaped shadow. Even in my dreams my mother assumes we're going to Heaven. What is "Heaven?" Scenery? Hell is other people. We're all trying to comprehend ourselves. What if we're selfish rude people and we don't even realize it? Fact of the matter is, we're all selfish. Nobody asked for anybody to increase their abandonment issues. Truth is, all I need are my dreams to keep me moving, awake, happy. I don't need you. I don't need your excuses or your justifications. I don't. I will continue to grow with or without you. Hopefully you'll do the same. Everyone forgets the extent of things people do for them. everyone. it.happens. We all reach for a greater good but fail to comply. The people you love always let you down the hardest. Even when you know they won't. Disappointment. That's a given. That's within every promise that is made to you. When all you have left is yourself, how do you live? Apocalypse. You're alone. You now only live for you and you only. No disappointment within people, no one to let you down. Maybe sometimes being lonely is worth it. Like the time travel kid. He loved his power so much he went so far in time that he passed the end of the world. He spent the rest of his life trying to figure out how to go backwards. Isn't that what we're doing? Spending our lives trying to figure out how we'd go backwards? BOOM. You're twelve. Start over from there. Hug your father's neck as if he's been dead for almost three years. Know immediately that every mistake. EVERY mistake you've made after that. GONE. Now, wouldn't everything be perfect then? Why can't we undo things. You know if you wanted to be treated better, you should have said so instead of abandoning me. Whatever. Everyone does it. The dream I had. He was in it. First time I dreamed of him in years. And well. I woke up happy. Dreams are all I need. This constant buzz buzz buzz. There's a never ending babble... Everyone wants you to be crazy. Are you? IS there a never ending loop in your head? Sit down. Breathe. Everything's gonna be alright. I don't know if that's really true. But it's all I have to go by.