I feel the need to scream as loud as possible. I want to tell people I love them. I need to play Kingdom Hearts and Ocarina of Time until my eyes bleed. I need love. I need to escape. I need a tree log with a sharpie and a CD player filled with melodramatic music from middle school. What I NEED? Summer 2008. Virgin Suicides. The Quiet. Hard Candy. Donnie Darko. Beautiful story lines with beautiful quotes. Paint on my finger tips. I miss you. I miss my dad. I love him so much. Sometimes, I used expect him to tuck me in at night. Now I lay awake forgetting what sobriety feels like; I'm drifting to sleep to escape even further from reality. City of lights. That's where I need to be. A simple "Sup?" could have brought back too many memories. But, then again, that's where this all started. I remember sitting in the theatre room with Stephanie discussing boys, and how we both felt like lost ghosts to our lost lovers. We'd giggle and tell jokes and talk about bitches behind their backs, and one time, Ashlea heard us. It was so simple. Mary wrote me a letter once that every time I read it, I cry. Right when I read that one line, "I held your hand in my head down the halls of that hospice center." A person today implied that their life is so much harder than mine. Like, he somehow knew the things I have faced just by looking at me. Losing my father was and still is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I don't think I'd even wish that pain on my WORST enemy. I am so tired of losing people. If you're my friend, SHOW ME. If you love me, TELL ME. I am waiting. For all of you.