If something doesn't give, then I'm running away. From you, and your cold fingers. From this place, with these people. Everyone is too goddamn righteous to even TRY? What. The. Fuck. IS WRONG WITH EVERYBODY?! My head is about to explode. With anger, and hatred, and sorrow. And to get THAT coming from me? That's a dark place I'm in. I'm so sick of your apologies and your failed "attempts" at soothing things over. I'm sick of your fancy words and your "problems" that, for some reason, are always more important to me than my own. I want to drive my car into the ocean and drown along with all of the fishes and sea life that I find myself so intrigued with. I will die a red-headed mermaid in peaceful bliss and serenity. I want to strangle myself with the elegant scarf that Joe last touched. I want to peel off my skin with my fingernails just so i can tell anyone on the other side that i did it. I keep going around this game that you guys have a name for in the search for the same thing but i can't seem to find it, because I'm just going in circles. My breath keeps getting faster and faster as I seem to remember everything that was good at one point. Where is my dad? Where is Joe? Where am I? Have I gone insane? Does anybody even fucking care? I am going to leave here. somehow someway. I am going to escape this. It's too hard. It's too much. It's too personal. And I can't seem to be able to breathe anymore. Where is everybody? What has happened to us?

And for the record? You can shove your "I love you"'s up your ass. They obviously aren't true. Just another justification to make yourself feel better. You're not in a better place than I am. You're just in a different one.


One goddamn fucking day I will find myself in a beautiful place. But not until I get away from these assholes. So help me god, even if I have to DIE first, I WILL BE IN A BETTER PLACE.