This is a bit Ridculous.

As I stare at this page wondering why I am typing instead of watching Pushing Daises, I'm thinking how fucked up people truly are. Its so sad, really, because the people around here are so full of shit and they don't even realize it. They are too wrapped up in themselves to realize that they are wrong. And hell, maybe even I'm wrong, but at least I'm open to that possibility whereas you seem to cancel it out entirely. So okay. We all make mistakes, big deal. You get over it. MOVE ON. Stop coming up with excuses and justifications and this that and the other to allow yourself to hold on to something that is just a waste of everyone's time. I hate this. I don't want to be here anymore. And yet... somehow the comfort keeps me here for now. I do not want to be here any more. These people are horrid. And maybe people are horrid everywhere else too, but I wouldn't know that because I've never BEEN anywhere else. Yet... amongst these people there are jewels. And nobody is a fucking diamond in a glass box, but there are crystals and emeralds and sapphires and rubies hidden in the dirt. But, you gotta keep them hidden in the dirt or they'll be put on display and lose their value to you. It's a sanctuary. A pure sanctuary. And nothing hurts worse than someone else abiding in your secret escape. It should be yours, all yours. It doesn't matter whether or not we're still friends. It doesn't matter whether or not my toes are perfectly polished, or even if I can ramble with perfect English and still not make any sense. I want to pull all my hair out and stare at how beautiful it would be on my head. I want to scratch the paint off my walls using only my fingernails just to be disappointed at the wall behind it being bare. I want to FIND something. I want to be part of something... yet not. Not at all. I want to be by myself. I need this breeze to come through and rub sand in your eyes. You never notice how clearly you are capable of seeing until something alters it. You're behind blinders right now, anyway. Maybe one day you'll see things from my perspective. But I doubt it.