You Took The World From Me.

-->I keep reaching for you, but you never take my hand.<--





One day. One day, I will be able to express everything I feel into one simple sentence. No one ever truely gets what they want. Whether it's holes in their walls so that sunshine can leak in, or even simply wanting to keep your closet. I know it never makes any sense, but the only way to keep a person content is to search for happiness. Once you get it, you can never keep it. It's almost like a fire. It's fun to start but it will eventually fade out. And you can never truly get the same fire the next time. You have to start over for a similar thing. Every fire is different and chaotic. Then there's the water that puts it out. And once the rain comes, you have to wait for the pit to dry before you can ever start another fire. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I'm so sick and tired of always trying and trying and getting absolutely no where. Like I'm on a merry-go-round and I can never find that one horse that all the other kids want to ride. And after I find that one horse, the only one with a blue eye, and I finally hop on it, the ride stops. And its time to get off. And I want to leave screaming and crying and kicking and just going absolutely nuts, like a child. But adults can't do that. I want to scrath off all the paint on my walls using only my fingernails in hopes of finding a secret message someone left just for me. A message with the most significant words ever spoken written clearly and in beautiful calligraphy. I want to search the back room of the theatre to find a letter from someone who knows what its like. The kind of I letter I wrote and left. I want magic at my finger tips. The kind of magic that automatically locates the beautiful horse with the blue eye. And even after my magic lets me find it....I still want to be able to ride on it while crying and letting everything go. Letting everything go. Just like you let me go. That must be wonderful. To truely let go of someone. I think its impossible. I want to hide under my sheets. And wait for my father to find me and give me "belly sugar." I want to lay in my closet and look up at all the pictures and posters I've ever put up. I want to be part of the wall that has my friend's signatures on them. I want to just be alone for once. Absolutely alone. And I want to scream and kick and shout and bawl my eyes out like the child I have inside my soul. I know it never makes any sense. One day I will be able to express how I feel in one simple sentence. One day.